King's College Hospital

​⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ The "Trolley-Glamping" & Fasting Retreat (A&E Edition) ​Forget the Savoy. If you want the true VIP experience, check yourself into King’s College Resort & Spa. I just returned from a 4-day all-inclusive stay, and let me tell you, the minimalism is breathtaking. ​The "Arrival Experience" (A&E VIP Lounge) Check-in was a leisurely 12-hour affair in the A&E lobby. Why rush? It gave me plenty of time to bond with the trolley I would eventually grow to call "home." Most hotels rush you to a room, but King’s really lets you soak up the corridor ambience first. ​Accommodation: The "Mobile Suite" I was eventually moved upstairs to a "plush room," where I was delighted to find... another trolley. Apparently, actual beds are so 2024. The staff fully expected me to sleep on this narrow metal shelf for 4 days. It’s like camping, but with more beeping noises. After treating the booking process like a hostage negotiation, I literally battled for an "upgrade" to a stationary bed. ​Fine Dining: The "Zero-Calorie" Package The culinary team is strictly committed to the "Starvation Protocol." Over 96 hours, I was graciously allowed two tuna sandwiches and two cups of tea. I had to beg for them, of course. It’s an interactive dining experience—if you don't fight for the sandwich, do you even deserve the sandwich? ​Entertainment: "Guess the Doctor" The animation team was hilarious. They sent a junior doctor who clearly specialized in a completely different field to stare at me in confusion. As for the actual Consultant? I assumed they opted for the "Invisible Man" package. Rumour has it they were relaxing in their private practice, presumably counting their double-dip NHS salary while I developed a lovely tan from the jaundice. ​The Departure I checked out with 5kg weight loss (success!) and acute kidney failure (bonus!). I am now transferring to St. Mark's to see professionals who actually exist in the physical realm. ​Book now if you hate your kidneys and love tuna.

Horrendous treatment.

Hospital is dirty but compared to most london hospitals, the emergency department here is good. They’re way more organised than the other hospitals I’ve been to and they are not dismissive of women and topics revolving women’s health. Nurses were also really pleasant.

My dentist referred me to your hospital Kings College 7 or 8 months ago. I have an appointment with you today at 3.15 p.m., but unfortunately, I had to call to cancel it because I'm unwell and with high fever. The woman who answered offered me the next available appointment on December 31st, which I declined because my family Christmas vacation is booked before my appointment. She then offered me next Friday at 12 p.m., which I declined again because, firstly, I don't know if I'll be better by then, and secondly, I'm supposed to be working at that time. She told me that since she offered me two different appointments and I declined both, she couldn't offer me any more dates and that I would have to pay for the tooth extraction. After waiting 7 months for a tooth extraction, I find this outrageous, so I want to file a formal complaint.